Dirty Things
by Alastair
Summary: Nami and Robin try to do their laundry ... but the boys are trying too.


**Dirty Things**

Luffy's nostrils flared before shoving two fingers up them as he blanched.

He turned to the others, and said, "It's time."

!#$%^&*()_+

Nami blinked at the sight of Robin in the bathroom before she smiled, "Oh, sorry. I can take my turn later."

The older woman looked up from her basket, and said, "Nonsense, Nami-chan, you carried your clothes all the way up here. It'd be silly to go back."

Smiling, she carried her basket over, kneeling beside her to take the bucket of water that had no clothes inside. "Thanks, that'd have been a hassle. Besides, the boys' room is really starting to smell again, and I don't want to be out there."

"Oh, my, yes," Robin said, "I can smell it from here."

She blinked at her before her eyes widened in astonishment, "Oh, no, you're righ-"

"Oyah!" The door slammed open from a kick by Luffy just before he paraded inside with the rest of the men coming in after him. Then almost the entire troop halted in their tracks.

Brook set his basket down before taking off his hat, and he straightened his bow tie. He bowed, his skeleton grin in place, "May I help wash your panties?"

"Get out!" Nami punched him, cracking his skull when it hit the ground.

"Yohohoho!"

"But, Nami," Luffy said, whining slightly as he rocked his basket, "we gotta do our laundry too!"

"Do it later! You all stink, and it'll seep into our clothes!"

Zoro snorted, setting his basket down before he retrieved more large buckets, "We're already up here. No point in going back down."

"Fine," Nami said, "I understand. That'll be fifty thousand berries for each of you."

"Just what are you understanding here!?" Usopp and Franky said.

"I just started washing, so I'm nowhere near cleaning my …" she smiled coyly, "under-things."

Luffy said, "Shishishi! I'm gonna charge you … twenty thousand then!"

"Eh!? You're not allowed to do that! Who'd want to look at your dirty underwear!?"

Franky swept his hair back with a hand, "I must admit … I will charge at sixty thousand berries for seeing my panties."

"We see them all the time!" She snapped.

"Ooh! Nami-san, you're beautiful when you're shy too!"

"Who's being shy, you idiots!?"

"Oi, Chopper, it's not bathtime," Zoro said as he sprayed Chopper with the showerhead while he was trying to take off his shorts.

"Huh? But the clothes we're wearing are dirty too!"

Nami cringed before noticing something out of the corner of her eyes, and she grabbed Luffy's shorts before he could drop them beside the shirt he had just stripped, "Keep those on, you idiot!"

"Why's Chopper get to be naked and not me!?"

"Keep your shorts on!"

"Ah? Why? Am I waiting for something?"

Groaning, she then slumped, and covered her face, shaking her head, "Just keep your boxers on."

Robin giggled mirthfully as she washed her clothes, unperturbed by the boisterous lot.

"Hahaha! All right!" Luffy dropped his shorts before hopping out of the shorts' legs, but he tripped on the second hop, and toppled into Usopp's barrel. He gargled as he struggled briefly in the water, "Aagh! I'm drowning!"

Sanji snorted, "Drown already then!"

Grasping his shoulders, Usopp heaved him out, making a face at Luffy's gasping one, "That'd be a very uncool way to die."

"Ah! You're right!" His eyes filled up with thick tears, "Dun led be die inna laundry bugget, Uzopp!"

Behind Usopp – who started to join Luffy in tears – Chopper gasped, and waved his hooves, "I won't let you die, Luffy!"

"Wash your laundry before you die! It reeks!" Nami punched the three before turning back to her bucket with a huff.

Chopper sniffled, holding his head as Luffy and Usopp turned to their laundry sullenly, "What'd I do? Why'd I get hit!? Huh?"

"Aah! Perhaps, Nami would like to strip too and show me her panties?" The naked skeleton popped up behind her.

"In your dreams!" She smiled, "In which case, I charge two hundred thousand berries."

Sanji's eye throbbed into a heart, "Ah, Nami-swan, then you must own me! I will give you my heart and body in order to pay off this debt of mine!"

"Unless they're made of berries, I don't want them."

Franky, Usopp, and Luffy shivered together, "It's chilly in here …"

Blinking, Franky pulled up his sunglasses then, and looked into Luffy's bucket, "Ah? Oi, Straw Hat. Those can't be yours."

Going still, his back going straight, Luffy shoved whatever it was down into the bottom of the bucket, "Yes, it is! Nami didn't leave it in our room! She didn't!"

"Luffy!"

Luffy pulled out his hands to wave them defensively at her – only the pink, lace panties remained in one hand as he did it, "I didn't tell them, Nami! I didn't! Promise! They don't know anything!"

"Oohohoho! Captain!" Usopp slapped Luffy's back, grinning widely at him, "You fiend, you! Hiding this from us, huh!?"

"Mellorine …!" Sanji rose, and kicked Luffy in the back of the head in one smooth motion before stomping the rubber head into the soapy floor, "What the hell are you doing with that delightful piece of undergarments!?"

Nami turned to Robin's waiting arms, "It's too late to find a new crew, isn't it?"

"I'm afraid so," she said with a smile.

**THE END**

_SOMEONE WAS COMPLAINING TO ME. And she says to me that the recent LxN stories suck, and I must say now that I agree. She then basically tells me it feels like she's carrying the whole fandom on her own shoulders now. And then she said, "WHATABOUTMYNEEDS."_

_It hit me this morning what that really meant to me. A short time ago, I stopped writing for myself with _The Gossips_ and tried to write for the readers as if that's what I've been doing this entire time. But it's not what I've been doing from the start at all! I wrote LxN for ME._

_ME ME ME ME._

_Screw you people. Write your own gaddam stories, and while we're on the subject, STOP SUCKING AT IT. So now it's straightforward with all my might once more! I'm writing for myself with a __**DON!!!**_

_You're just all along for the ride._

_NOW QUIT BUGGING ME, YA CON ARTIST._


End file.
